The following is based on the Mary Frye claim and the research which apparently substantiated it.

Originally the verse had no title, so the poem's first line, 'Do not Stand at My Grave and Weep' naturally became the title by which the poem came to be known. The poem can be found with different titles however, notably 'I Am', reflecting the repetition of that phrase in the verse.

Mary Elizabeth Frye (1905-2004) was a housewife from Baltimore USA, when a visiting friend's mother died, and this prompted Mary Frye to compose the verse, which she said was her first real attempt to write poetry. The friend was a young German Jewish girl called Margaret Schwarzkopf, who felt unable to visit her dying mother in Germany due to the anti-Semitic feeling at home. This led to Margaret Schwarzkopf's comment to Mary Frye, according to the apparent history of this, that she had been denied the chance to 'stand by her mother's grave and shed a tear'. This seemingly was the inspirational prompt for Mary Fry to write the verse, which (in various forms) has for decades now touched and comforted many thousands of people, especially at times of loss and bereavement. Mary Frye, it is said, wrote the poem on a brown paper shopping bag. Apparently in an interview since writing the poem Frye said that the 'words just came to her', and she also said that she wrote her poetry to bring comfort and pleasure to others, rather than to profit from its publication.

It's fascinating that the poem came into such widespread use, and this is perhaps because it was not conventionally copyrighted and published. At some time after Margaret Schwarzkopf's mother's death, friends of the Schwarzkopf family arranged for a postcard to be printed featuring the poem, and this, with the tendency for the verse to be passed from person to person, created a 'virtual publishing' effect far greater than traditional printed publishing would normally achieve. The poem, in its various versions has for many years been firmly in the public domain.

For many years (and presently still among many people) the poem's origin was generally unknown, being variously attributed to native American Indians (especially Navajo), traditional folklore, and other particular claimant writers. The poem has appeared, and continues to, in slightly different versions, and there are examples also of modern authors adding and interweaving their own new lines and verses within Frye's work, which adds to confusion about the poem's definitive versions and origins.

Several different musical and song interpretations of Do not Stand at My Grave and Weep have been written and published, with different titles, often with variations to the original words. Perhaps most notable of the song versions is the beautiful 'Prayer', by the remarkable New York singer song-writer Lizzie West, which you will find on her CD album 'Holy Road: Freedom Songs'.

Another notable recent musical interpretation of Do not Stand at my Grave and Weep is by the Irish female singer songwriter Shaz Oye (pronounced 'Oh Yay'), subtitled 'Requiem', and available as a free download from Shaz Oye's website.

The origins of Do not Stand at My Grave and Weep seem most formly to have been publicly announced when the poem was attributed to Mary Frye in 1998, following research by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, a widely syndicated American newspaper columnist, whose 'Dear Abby' column apparently communicated directly with Mary Frye concerning original authorship of the poem.

The research findings of Van Buren and her assistants later featured in more recent investigations about the origins of Do not Stand at My Grave and Weep by Kelly Ryan for Canada's CBC radion, which Ms Ryan presented on 10 May 2000 in a broadcast called 'Poetic Journey'.

According Kelly Ryan's research, which included an interview Mary Frye, this is the version of Frye's poem which featured on the postcard that was printed by friends of Margaret Schwarzkopf's parents. The poem was untitled:
(do not stand at my grave and weep)

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.


This alternative 'modern definitive version', with slight variation in lines 9 and 10, was featured in Mary Frye's obituary in the British Times newspaper in September 2004, although no source was given:
(do not stand at my grave and weep)

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.


In her interview with Kelly Ryan broadcast on CBC radio in 2000, Mary Frye confirmed the following interpretation as her original version. The version is quite different to the versions above. Note especially the extra lines, and the present tense 'do' in the final line.
(do not stand at my grave and weep)

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.